Saturday, 10 December 2011

Gotta Lotta Welly





Gotta Lotta Welly

This must be the king of all tongue twisters. I defy you to find someone who can say this faster and faster without pretty quickly ending up just mindlessly going 'welly-welly welly-welly welly-welly welly-welly" and for some reason spontaneously cracking up into peals of laughter, English student or, even better, not.


And this is what you should say, slowly at first, and then faster and faster...


Red Welly, Yellow Welly
   
Red Welly, Yellow Welly
   
Red Welly, Yellow Welly
   
Red Welly, Yellow Welly
   


Red Welly, Yellow Welly
   
Red Welly, Yellow Welly
   
Red Welly, Yellow Welly
   
Red Welly, Yellow Welly
...
   


See? Told ya! Enjoy :-D

DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT!
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Hotch Potch English: The SNAIL ~ 'Gotta Lotta Welly'
Created & written by Sab Will
Copyright 2011 Sab Will / Hotch Potch English ~ The Unique English Language Website
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Thursday, 3 November 2011

Can U Dig It?





Can U Dig It?

"The story, which is a true one, is that there is this nutball who digs things out of his back yard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institution, labelling them with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archaeological finds.

This guy really exists and does this in his spare time! Anyway... here's the actual response from the Smithsonian Institution

"Lest we think we have challenges in responding, at times, to our constituency, I send this to you all as an exemplar of a public servant's considerate and thoughtful response." (original source unknown)"

Smithsonian Institution
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20078

Dear Sir:

Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled 93211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post . . . Hominid skull.   We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago. Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be Malibu Barbie.

It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loath to come to contradiction with your findings.  However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern origin:

1.  The material is molded plastic.   Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.

2.  The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.

3.  The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.

This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with the institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:

A.  The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.
B.  Clams don't have teeth.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated.  This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of the recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 A.D., and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results.

Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino.  Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hypenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum.  While it is undoubtedly not a Hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly.  You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard.

We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it.  We are particularly interested in hearing you expand upon your theories surrounding the trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

Yours in Science,
Harvey Rowe
Curator, Antiquities"

So there you have it. Draw your own conclusions. And may the farce be with you  ;~Sab

DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT!
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Hotch Potch English: The SNAIL ~ 'Can You Dig It?'
Created & written by Sab Will
Copyright 2011 Sab Will / Hotch Potch English ~ The Unique English Language Website
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Sunday, 9 October 2011

Hugh & Laurie: "Suitable Poetry"





The Last Word In Poetry..?

A lovely bit of Hugh and Laurie, made even better by the fact that you can see they're on the point of losing it a few times, with smirks concealed by nose rubs and suchlike. Enjoy.
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As a bit of a poet myself (with even more here), I can only take great delight in this fun-poking bit of tomfoolery.

The genius of this pair always pleases me. It didn't always work, but when it did, it was magic.

DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT!
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Hotch Potch English: The SNAIL ~ 'Hugh & Laurie: "Suitable Poetry"'
Created & written by Sab Will
Copyright 2011 Sab Will / Hotch Potch English ~ The Unique English Language Website
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Wednesday, 28 September 2011

Holy Cow, Vatman!



Holy Cow, Vatman

I'm not at all political really, but this one tickled my fancy from a few years back. Still pretty relevant today too, by the looks of it...

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Bureaucracy (European)
You have two cows. Brussels tells you how to milk them and pays you not to milk them. Then Brussels kills one, milks the other, throws away the milk and makes you fill out a form to declare your missing cows.

Capitalism (Universal)
You have two cows and big ambitions. You sell one of your cows and buy a bull.

Capitalism (of Hong Kong)
You have two cows under a leasing plan. You sell 3 to a company evaluated by financial places, using lettres de créances opened by your brother in a bank. Simultaneously you proceed with an exchange of participations and a public offer. You get 4 cows with a tax reduction for 5. Then you kill 2 of them because the cowhome direction (feng shui) is bad. The currency crashes and you create a global crisis.

Communism (Orthodox)
You have two cows. Your neighbours help you to look after them and you share the milk with them.

Communism (Russian)
You have two cows. You must feed and milk them but the government takes all the milk.

Democracy (Pure)
You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who will take the milk.

Democracy (Representative)
You have two cows. Your neighbours nominate someone to decide who will take the milk.

Democracy (American)
The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for them. Just after being elected, the president is under an impeachment procedure for flirting with the milk maid. The press calls the scandal Cowgate and wants to make the Head of state resign.

Democracy (British)
You have two cows. You feed them with sheep brains and they become mad. The government does nothing.

Democracy (of Singapore)
You have two cows. The government charges you with keeping cows in your apartment.

Dictatorship
You have two cows. The government takes your cows and puts you in front of the firing squad.

Green
You have two cows. The government forbids you to milk them.

Militarism
You have two cows. The government enlists you in the army, confiscates your cows and feeds you on their milk.

Politically correct
You have a relationship (the concept of property is much too close to a phallocentric past) with two bovines of a non-specific breed, sex and weight (despite 3 Weight Watchers diets).

35 hours
You have two cows. One eats in a private field, the other in a public field. The government orders you to make them work a 35 hour week. They will produce less milk and still eat the same. You think you can solve the problem. Martine Aubry explains that you have to be better organised and gives you a bale of hay.

35 hours (elsewhere)
You have two cows. One eats in a private field, the other in a public one. The first wonders how to produce in 35 hours what she does in 42. The second wonders how to produce in 35 hours what she does in 32.

DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT!
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Hotch Potch English: The SNAIL ~ 'Holy Cow, Vatman!'
Created & written by Sab Will
Copyright 2011 Sab Will / Hotch Potch English ~ The Unique English Language Website
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Saturday, 4 June 2011

Sab's Fab Quirky Language Quiz No.1


Fun Language Quiz No.1

Hi everyone! I just realised that I could still access an old OLD site of mine I started back in 1997ish which I found lurking in the backwaters of the net, not accessible by the normal means.

And what's more, I realised that there is a ton of fun language stuff on there, including... some wonderfully quirky language quizzes, so I'm going to republish them here for everyone's delectation and delight!

They're short, fascinating and I'll give you the answers once a few of you have had a go - OK? So here we go with No.1, and don't forget to comment!

Sab's Fab Quirky Language Quiz No.1

1) Name ten everyday parts of the body with 3 letters - no slang or vulgarity please!

2) Translate this traditional French verse into English:
Un petit d'un petit
S'étonne aux Halles;
Un petit d'un petit
Ah! Degrés falles.
3) Name the origins of these coleopterous food references:

   a) Cool cherry cream and a nice apple tart
   b) Tangerine trees and marmalade skies
   c) Semolina pilchard

4) What is found between a 'hanging-post' and a 'banging-post'?

More language fun coming soon! I'm always keen to read and pass on great language-related pieces, so do send them in and I'll give you whatever namecheck and link you like. Thanks for visiting, and...

DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT!
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Hotch Potch English: The SNAIL ~ 'Sab's Quirky Language Quiz No.1'
Created & written by Sab Will
Copyright 2011 Sab Will / Hotch Potch English ~ The Unique English Language Website
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