Saturday, 25 August 2012

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?




While we (the majority of the human race) were losing sleep over frivolities like "Why is the grass green?" and "What on earth am I going to do for my next lesson?", the greatest thinkers of all time were considering an altogether greater problem: Why, indeed, did that legendary chicken cross that fateful road?


Plato:
For the greater good.

Karl Marx:
An historical inevitability

Tomas de Torquemada:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary:
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Douglas Adams:
Forty-two.

Nietzsche:
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Oliver North:
National security was at stake.

Carl Jung:
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre:
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Albert Einstein:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle:
To actualize its potential.

Buddha:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Salvador Dali:
The Fish.

Emily Dickinson:
Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus:
For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann Friedrich von Goethe:
The eternal hen-principle.

Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg:
Uncertain.

David Hume:
Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein:
An unprovoked act of rebellion.

Pyrrho the Skeptic:
What road?

The Sphinx:
--

Sappho:
The hen on the other side was more fair than all of Hellas' fine armies.

Henry David Thoreau:
To live deliberately.

Captain James T. Kirk:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Machiavelli:
So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for who among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates:
Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

Bill Clinton:
No one has ever offered one shred of evidence that the chicken went anywhere near the road. Anyway, answering this question will not educate a single child or provide a single senior citizen with medical care.

Hillary Rodham Clinton:
Wait a minute! Chickens? That's domestic policy! You promised that to me, Bill!

Al Gore:
To get ... to the other ... side.

Barack Obama:
Because it could.


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Crawl On
The SNAIL

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Hotch Potch English: The SNAIL ~ 'Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?'
Created & written by Sab Will
Copyright 2012 Sab Will / Hotch Potch English ~ The Unique English Language Website
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