Thursday, 24 January 2013

How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers




What Are You Wearing..?

You know when the phone rings, at home, when you're in the middle of dinner and you really don't need to talk about life assurance at precisely that moment but you're not quite sure how to politely tell them to bugger off..? Well this could be the answer to your prayers, print out and keep near phone - you'll thank me that you did!

How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers:

1.  If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed  for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2.  If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so  glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all  these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my  dog just died..."

3.  If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to  spell their name.  Then ask them to spell the company name.  Then ask  them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they  married?, kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4.  This works great if you are male:  Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5.  Cry out in surprise, "Judy!  Is that you?  Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.

6.  Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7.  If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"

8.  If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood?  Can you get out GOAT blood? How about lots of HUMAN blood?

9.  After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10.  Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.

11.  Answer the phone.  As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.

12.  Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask  him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back.  When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me, neither!" Hang up.

13.  Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14.  Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at
 your leisure.  Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15.  Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16.  Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17.  Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you.  But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18.  Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19.  Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder... louder...

20.  Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
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Crawl On
The SNAIL

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Hotch Potch English: The SNAIL ~ 'How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers'
Created & written by Sab Will
Copyright 2013 Sab Will / Hotch Potch English ~ The Unique English Language Website
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